Hi, how are you?

It’s almost been a month after touching down in Malaysia, in a place where I have been longing to live my life, ironically I have never felt so unsettled before.

Is this because of my progress on dissertation, our relationship or having no income at all? I couldn’t tell why.

We’ve had countless fights and hurtful blames, it’s 26/7 2:25a.m., you went for team dinner right after work, and texted me at 12:35a.m. You know I always believe on my sixth-sense, and this time it tells me that, we are practising, either to live a steadier life together, or to live a single life all over again.

Remember I’ve told you that I’ve missed single life recently, and the shock in your face made me a little curious. Tbh, don’t you miss your single life too? You don’t have to wait for a call, you won’t have any expectation, a life with no disappointments.

Rather than putting it as single life, maybe I should say I miss myself who are not so easily shaken.

I believe the day when I can be calm with whatever that comes to me, is nearing.


Happy 11Months Froggy! <3

Hey Love, I suck at writing long post with my poor sentence structure. MEOW!

I just want to thank you for sticking with me together and believing in US by going through lots! I really hope you’re happy being with me because I am damn sure about me being more than happy to have you by my side.

Another 4 days to your birthday and I am sorry I couldn’t do much. But don’t worry baby we will celebrate it once you’re back and we will spend the next birthday’s together.

Few more months you’ll be home and I really looking forward you to come home and I am really looking forward you to come back so we can continue our journey together.

I love you! 🙂 ❤

Here’s a beautiful photo of us

365 days

It’s been the 366th day since I knew you, and it is not easy for sticking with the same person over 12 hours per day on the phone, sharing about almost everything in life.

Still I remember when I started talking to you, it felt close, regardless how short the period we knew each other, i felt safe and secure, and you seemed to be understanding what I’d been through, and standing ahead of me. You wanted to know me as a person.

It’s been 366 days talking to you, and I think we completely know about each other, and we stuck there. Going through the daily routines, saying the same thing, the same dialogue, and saying things which I know what you gonna say before you saying it.

Guess the same thing happened to you too, when I said something.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I’ve got no idea, but I thought we wouldn’t.

You asked if I’ve lost interest towards you, I wouldn’t say I do, but I lost interest in the dialogue which we already knew what we gonna say, but we still keep saying it for the sake of keeping in touch.

Do I still get excited when you’re calling? I wouldn’t say yes, because that would definitely an insincere answer, I’m picking up and sometimes honestly I would prefer staying silence because my productivity was at its best.

Is that mean if I change the communication habit means that I dont love you, if that’s the case, I would be disappointed, because I really thought you would be up for whatever that’s best for me.

These few days I’ve been thinking of going back to a councelor for counselling service, but I dont know where to, I searched for different books and videos regarding studying and trying to dig out what’s the problem, but all these days i bet you never realised what bothered me, perhaps I am good at hiding it, or perhaps you’re not that observant anymore.

Okay, I should get back to my studies now, and I think we should really take a break, just a few days, trust me.

I have this thought if you would post something up here, and you really did. funny thing is we only post things up here when we ‘re arguing, which i dont think this is the purpose for us to set up this website.

I miss you and I am sorry

Hey Baby,

I am sorry for what happened earlier. Recently I’ve been trying to get your attention. I am really stressed with work with that one project that I am bearing. I am sick of getting bombarded. Almost everyday, and I couldn’t find a way to solve it. I really feel incapable to cope with my work knowing that in another 3 days I will be having appraisal interview with my boss.
Having you is the best thing, but recently it’s hard to get your attention. I understand that you’re stressed there too with your dissertations and also assignments. Often when we are facetiming you’re on your phone. I tried hinting you by playing my phone too when on the phone with you but I don’t think you realize why I did that.
I have a lot in my head. My heart feels heavy. I didn’t want to let out because you’re so far away and don’t wanna burdened you with my problems as well. We’ve been comfortable with each other and baby I am like no other man that he thinks he will be happy when his gf/wife is away from home so that can have their time of their own. Every time you’re at work I’ll wait for you till you’re done and home safe then I sleep. ( Yes sometimes I slept off 😦 ) But baby. I still love you more than anyone else. I bring you wherever I go not because I am clingy but because I can and I didn’t expect that from you the same. But when you call to talk to me please talk to me. I don’t mind the time where we call and talk absolutely nothing because I know you’ve got things to do.
Recently I got jealous is because I feel like your friend Han is closer to you but I am not. We need to be how we used to be baby. Please.
I miss you and I miss us.
I am sorry for what I’ve done. I am sorry for times that I put you through. I am sorry for allowing tears to roll down your cheeks. ( I Felt like slapping myself just now)
I need hugs from you.

Got rejected by Travis Perkins Plc!

Well, after the one-week-prep for the interview, yet i got rejected!

I’m not sure if this fits with my wish, but if you were to ask my feeling rn, i would say

Happy: 85%
Feeling I should be sad: 5%

Just a feeling that is this my weak performance or incapability?

But what they told me was: Fantastic presentation, very well-prepared and good structure, don’t have to worry about my presentation proficiency, I am the only one who was so prepared for the presentation. And when it comes to theinterview, I gave brilliant opinion about the gender requirement and mandatory requirements. But the way I have been doing things and I am doing things is different with Travis Perkins’ culture, as to work in Travis Perkins we have to deal with alot of ambiguity and unclear tasks, which might not be the same case as what I’d come across. It’s all about getting the right person for the right place.

So, I asked: is it because of me lacking of experience or whatsoever reasons?

She said no, we are not looking for someone with alot of experience for the internship, the way of doing things is the only reason for that.

SO! Probably this is the most beautiful rejection I’d ever come across!

Thank God for the opportunity, I really learnt alot from the interview!

2016 in a wrap

想想還是用華文比較舒服 想看得懂自己翻譯吧

這到底是個什麼樣的一年 回憶亂得我自己都有點理不清


還是從我莫名其妙來到英國 這什麼鬼地方

姐姐明明把我送來看世界學獨立 但彷彿才領悟 看世界 學獨立的代價 難道就是孤獨

我明明很有信心自己是不會覺得孤獨的 但彷彿才發現 一個人在難過的時候 知心的都在睡覺 那種感覺 是怎麼樣的滋味 出國留學一點都不容易 不容易的不是口音不是習俗 是怎麼和自己對話

想起幾個月前的我 難過的時候就到處轉 帶著小黑往不知名的地方往前開 彷彿再難的問題 都不會是問題 轉累了 就想通了

一個人把全部身家拿出來租一個月的房間 問題聽起來很小 但做起來我還是擔心了幾晚
手上只剩£60,也不知道怎麼熬一個月 但轉過身卻有路走了

以為來到這裏會是瘋狂的到處看看走走 但怎麼來了三個月 只去了一個倫敦 就那麼一個倫敦
想幾個月前 要買什麼化妝品 要弄幾次頭髮 要買幾件衣服 才是我考量的東西

這是我嗎 想像倒是有點害怕 原來一個人生活是怎樣的感覺

很多事情想說 想著想著就忘了想說什麼 是真的忘了嗎 還是只是結痂了

偶爾會想拋棄我的爸爸過的怎麼樣 看了他的微信後 他還是把我鎖了

想和家人商量 但想著想著 還是自己解決吧 反正自己才能最了解自己的狀況

來到這裏快四個月了 但怎麼還是沒適應這裏的鬼天氣 沒適應這奇怪的壓迫感 就快讓我窒息

回去是最好的選擇嗎 還是其實只有更多的問題 我也不知道

22歲了吳澤芝 但我彷彿還在舒適圈裡 難過的時候想一堆人 問我還好嗎 明明只有自己知道自己好不好

難過了 其實也哭不出來 我也不知道該怎麼去解釋這種感覺 是憂鬱嗎
但有一點值得慶幸的是 我發現自己真正在長知識了 真正地知道讀的每一個字 都是為知識 不一樣的心態讀一份同樣的報告感覺是截然不同的

不會太差吧 反正冬天過了春天就來了

我是真的害怕一個人倒數 真的會怕



新年快樂 愛我的每個人